jamming

wow.
i just finished jamming with Scott Orr in preparation for his upcoming CD release party June 12 7pm at the Royal Botanical Gardens.

totally reminded me of how awesome it was to be playing with Perry & the Poor Boys in concert and in the studio back in BC. sigh...i really miss that.

I"m so thankful that clerkship right now is less crazy enough that I can finally do stuff like this. Scott has an incredible style and honesty to his music. I just hope I can add to and highlight his talent on June 12. the last thing i want to do is take anything away from his music with my fiddling.

It's times like this that I really miss having the time to write music and play. Music still remains the one thing that I feel most free in.

anyway...gotta go!
love,
s

Dancing away...

so friday and sat morning was stressful. never ask clerkship students to play at your wedding.
unless you expected them to practice the night before.

;0)

plus the wedding was outdoors and it was supposed to thunderstorm that day.

BUT it was such a fantastic wedding...my friend is all grown up. I'm so happy for her.
we danced till we got kicked out at the reception.

my first week of med school, i sat at the 'non-dancing' table...when everyone else showed off their moves. It was a different story this past sat night! ;0) only because these guys were my close friends and all I do is laugh myself silly just trying to imitate their dance moves.....the funny thing is that i feel the most uninhibited to dance at church during praise & worship!!

anyway, great weekend. Sunday was awesome. Worship, sunday school, prayer night, going grocery shopping with a few of the guys from my church...i think we were the loudest shoppers at Fortinos.

ok, i'm being really random right now. I"m tired. I should sleep soon.
oh weddings
such happy events
s

censored

you know what?
it's Victoria Day and i can't imagine a better day.
my first day off in i can't remember when...maybe a few months.
went for a run, enjoyed the beautiful day, and got errands checked off one at a time
most of all, enjoyed a day to relax. i love the concept of relaxing. what a gift.

Well, so much has happened in the months that i neglected blogging. It's not that i didn't want to. It's just that I plainly didn't have the time. And even if i wanted to, the stories I would tell i was afraid i couldn't, because so much of what i do must be kept confidential.

I really had a tough time in labour and delivery. i didn't fancy that part of medicine much. And doing 1 in 3 call just about killed me. Thank goodness that's all done and over with. Now i'm in peds and just finished 1 in 3 call for 2 weeks. I spent my time in the NICU and in deliveries and in general pediatrics. I love the kiddies.

I think i really need to blog regularly. It's so therapeutic. i started journaling more often too.
the things that stand out to me (just to keep you guys updated) in the past few months are as follows:
1) i ask myself if I am momentarily lacking the committment and compassion and care that brought me into medicine in the first place. This is a scary thought.

2) I love talking to people; taking histories is one of my favourite things to do (unless it's a particularly difficult patient and i have trouble understanding or focusing them)

3) Life is full of 'gravity-moments' and I desire to walk thru these times with people, but this insane clerkship pace makes me so exhausted that i find that i can't really or that i dont' want to just be 'present' with my patients because i rather go to the doctor's lounge and watch some mindless TV or lie down on a couch and stare into space.

What do I do with the incredible feelings of sadness, guilt, and emotion that comes with telling the parents of a beautiful little boy that he has a likely diagnosis of leukemia? What do i do with the tears that choke me up as I struggle to compose myself in the examining room? What do I make of the fact that I am desensitized when I see little premie babies hooked up to monitors and tubes because i know that they are likely going to be ok. But 'wait!' I say to myself, what if I was the parent of these kids? My world would be crashing down around me. So then i constantly live in 2 worlds.....i don't think i'm making any sense right now. it's time to go,
love,
shermeen