Scripture to live off on...

"You will keep in perfect peace her whose mind is steadfast, because she trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal." Isa 26: 3-4

"Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you." Isa 26:8-9

SNOW Storm!!!

So you'd think I"d stay home and keep on the 'down-low'...but nooo! I've been feeling sick for the entire week and I had a crummy, restless night (had two bad dreams in succession) and was just feeling like I needed to worship together and fellowship with others and be prayed for...so in one of the worse blizzards in 10 years (so the weather guys say...)...I dug my car out and ventured out into 30-40cm fresh snow!

What a fantastic day! Praise You, Lord Father! Unrestrained to sing my heart out unto Him who is Worthy with church family. Great sermon. Prayed with Sarah (thank you!) and went out for lunch with Jackie & Dennis. I teared up when I thought that without church family here in Hamilton, my life would be entirely different and ....sad.

I had a fantastic day driving (against OPP's recommendations) from one library to the next, only to find most things closed due to the storm. Went to get groceries, flowers, Christmas decorations, a retractable car snow shovel, car blanket, movies, and made my way back.

Then got all excited about cleaning up my house!! Packing, sorting through mail, vacuuming, washing dishes...already did 4 loads of laundry yesterday... now I"m eating dinner. Will do some home errands (backlog of emails etc..) and then quiet down to read and maybe watch a movie?
I usually like my Sundays much quieter and reflective, but not today!! ;0) Today was about celebrating the joy and peace and freedom we have as we worship Him in Spirit and in Truth throughout every moment.

Thank you Lord! I love you!
s
p/s only 1 more week left before a chunk of time off!!! scheming what to bake already...and who to invite over for meals...

Tyrone is BACK!! It's a HAPPY happy day!!!

Ty-Rooonnne.

Tyrone the Chaperone is BACK!

And I can't wait to hug him all night long. I miss him. Haven't need his services since I moved into my new place 1.5 yrs ago.

To be honest, I'd rather hug Baski the Protector, but Baski is busy lov'in all my other stuffed animals in the Right Hand Corner of my bedroom.

So I swallowed my pride and discretely shoved (gently) Tyrone into the dryer at the Westdale Laundromat, propelling him out of the black Fortino's-bought garbage bag...put 30 mins worth of quarters in, and drove to meet up with my second 'after-church-lunch-tea-catch-up-with-close-friends' gig at Timmies.

I guess someone else needed to use that PARTICULAR dryer (eventhough there are many...but true, a few are 'out of service'), and I was 1.5 hours later than my 30mins, so there Tyrone was, gleefully grinning to all of those poor, cold university students without their own laundry facilities, lov'in on them from his perched spot: a respectful and sensitive spot someone so delightfully put him, on top of the ledge in the middle of the room.

I stuffed him back into the black garbage bag and wisked him back into my car, all the while feeling all warm and fuzzy about having Tyrone back, dust-free and clean for my sensitive, reactive-airway-ed-lungs-dependent-on-symbicort predicament.

I don't know what I'll do when I have to move in 7 months...all my precious stuffed animals from all over the world...to orphan them would be down-right heartless, to give them away to good homes...yes, a possibility...only if I find each of them a loving friend and only if they go with a sibling...

well, i can pray about it.
-----
For now, at this very moment, as I consider the more pressing serious realities of my life and what I'll have to do tomorrow (Monday) morning and afternoon, my hope and prayer from the last week to next is simple:
Endeavouring to fix my eyes on Jesus and to worship God through all the days and moments of my life.
Oh Lord, pls come.

Laughing Uncontrollably

OK!

So there I was, rewarding myself for successfully doing my fasting bloodwork this morning by getting a nice meaty lunch at Subway in between teaching sessions for my Wed Academic Day. Prior to that, I went to Blessings Christian Bookstores to peruse the many books I'd like to buy and read or CDs I'd love to get...but in truth, my one mission for this side trip was to find the book 'Men Are Like Waffles-Women Are Like Spaghetti' (Bill & Pam Farrel). I"ve heard great reviews from a few people and was curious. Also wanted to check out books about Intercessory Prayer...

So I got the last copy on the shelf, decided to 'hold' on getting the other book (on Intercessory Prayer) for now (will wait for when I can use my coupon...;0), and decided to skip Lunch Rounds for today and just go and get some lunch and some much needed R & R time/reading time. (Yesterday was an absolutely CRAZY and EXHAUSTING day with fitful sleep and then no sleep and a full clinic day and 3 hour Mandarin Chinese evening class after work. The fitful and lack of sleep was due to a (2nd) false alarm for one of my pregnant patients...had to go to Labour & Delivery at 4:33am after prior being woken up at 12:30am and forewarned....).

Anyway...sorry this story is so drawn out... First I ate my sub. Then I read some C.S. Lewis (priorities!), then I cracked open my newly bought 'Men are Like Waffles-Women Are Like Spaghetti' book....

!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! I only read the first 6.25 pages and I COULD NOT contain myself! I was shaking uncontrollably, trying not to make any 'outside' audible laughter in the Subway restaurant. To the poor Subway sandwich artist behind me, I am sure she was contemplating calling 911 for a query seizure patient! I was the only one in the store at that time (thank goodness). I couldn't wait to get into my car so I could explode in audible laughter at the top of my lungs!!!

Truly, you'll have to read those first 6.25 pages to know exactly what I mean. The Farrels give some incredibly astounding and completely true examples and insight into the differences in processing and needs of men and women... in an extremely entertaining and accessibly 'down-to-earth' way!!!

Oh! Enlightening!
I just had to blog about it! ;0)
And in so doing (blogging), I have just now realised that I have proved exactly how women are like spaghetti.

;0)
love to all! (whoever you are!)
shermeen

My head is hurting!!

HeLLO!!

Welcome back to Dundas, Ontario!! Guess what? I only have 8 more months of residency left...isn't that GrrrEAT!!!?!??!!? Maybe it'll be more scary when I'm just about to be released in June of '08! ;0)

I have my LMCC part 2 exam this sunday that I've taken time off to study for. I'm not used to studying for hours at a time anymore, so I find myself very easily distracted and taking LOTS of eating, drinking, surfing, playing guitar, napping, reading breaks...

My head has been hurting for most of the time I've been back in Ontario (ARGH!). I think it's the combination of the unusual weather and humidity and today, the staring into the screen/studying routine.

But, other than that, I'm doing great! It's been a full couple of months since coming back. Yellowknife was so wonderful, I do miss it. But it's also been really nice to be back 'home' here and be back with my friends and church family here.

I'm trying to figure out what to do with my Christmas break...last year I ended up being really really sick. I hope this year will be much different!

bye for now!
until next time!
shermeen

random post

WELL FOLKS!

I am in Yellowknife, NorthWest Territories, Canada…where the car plates say: “Explore Canada’s Arctic…NWT” !!

I’ve been here for nearly a month now and it has been a truly wonderful blessing to work up here (rural medicine) and to be blessed by others.

Perhaps the most amazing and cherished thing about being up here is the self-set priority of setting aside 2 whole months to dwell with God. Yes, kind of like a 2 month stint in a state of an ‘extended Sabbath/silent retreat/monastic-convent’ lifestyle and setting. You may laugh, but it is one of the most beautiful experiences. I am much more of an introvert than most of you realize!

So far, my favourite times are going kayaking/canoeing/hiking and having the liberty and freedom of heart and mind to pray, read, bike, run, journal and wander around deep in thought and reflecting over many interesting things.

I have just experienced a deeply healing past 6 months and I feel like I have been made ‘anew’ of some sort. My ‘past’ no longer has a hold on me, Praise God! And coming to Yellowknife has made that fact even more ‘real’.

Tommorrow, I fly off to a small aboriginal community called “Fort Resolution”. It’s a town of 500 and we will use a small propeller plane. This week, I have already spent 2 clinic days in another aboriginal community called ‘Rae’. My times in these reserves have been my favourite and most fulfilling work ministry so far.

Tommorrow, I will also be moving to a new place to housesit and dogsit for another doc…which has been God’s provision as I needed a place to stay! My deepest gratitude to the Suchlandts who opened not only their home but their hearts to me for my first month in YK. I am sad I have to leave, but I’m glad to still be able to visit even though I’ll be in another house.

For those who have been wondering…I AM indeed finishing up my final/LAST year of formal medical training this year. I will be COMPLETELY done (God-willing) june 30, 2008. So this will be my last year in Hamilton, Ontario and during this next few months, I will be transitioning back to my ‘home-base’ for the next while in Greater Vancouver, BC. Looking forward to all of the new and exciting months ahead!!

Welcome back everybody!!

Love,

Shermeen

i'm still alive!!

Just in case you thought I got lost somewhere on earth...don't worry!!

But I will be up North for the next 2 months!

stay tuned!

The weight lifted

August 15, 2006

Tremendous Tangible Answers to prayer.
This has been my one most profound and vivid experience in the past 3 months.
In the past 3 months, I have experienced one of the most special and intimate times with Jesus. Thank you Lord.

Board Exams done and passed (PTL!)
Graduation, convocation and valedictorian speech (God you're amazing!)
Trip to N. China and Singapore (wow)
Weekend back home in BC (crazy!)
Settling back to Hamilton, move to new place in Dundas (yup)
Beginning residency in Family Medicine (crazy)
Settling into home-base practice in Family Medicine (wonderful wonderful)
Prepping to lead worship at friend's wedding in Amsterdam
Went and returned from wedding (beautiful!)
Heart prep for up-coming Lausanne Committee for World Evangelism conference in Sept
Became an Aunt August 12
Finished one of the most meaningful and tough waits by God's grace (beyond amazing)

Lifted one of the toughest weights in my triceps press today.
Working through 5 different books at moment.
gotta go sleep now
;0)
shermeen

the day before

May 8th, 2006

Well, it's the day before my board exam, and all I can say is that God has been more than amazing.
He has literally been my Everything and my One Strong Tower amidst a truly difficult last week. PTL!

This morning, in the gym, while i was doing the shoulder press, Steven Curtis Chapman's song
"Magificent Obsession" was playing. It literally stopped me in my tracks.

Truly my heart's desire:

"Return me to the Cross, let me be completely lost...
Cut through these chains that tie me down to so many lesser things
let all my dreams fall to the ground, until this one remains...

This is everything I want, this is everything I need
I want this to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires, Lord I want it all to be
all for you, Jesus,
be my Magificent Obsession...."

I love you Jesus,
shermeen

A poem I wrote

May 3rd, 2006

Hey guys, i just found a poem I wrote April 14, 2004, more than 2 years ago. Thought i'd post it:

<<<<<<<<

There’s a path winding through the woods

A path well-trodden by the passage of time

Where I found a man sprinting, running hard

Down this hurried path leading…nowhere

On his back, many things; trophies & lead

On his side, more prizes, to add to his bid

To reach the height of man-this nothingness

Called Life, Success, the greatest Lie

He stops, looks back, & knows He’s being chased

Yet he ducks to the prize-laden side of the path

To indulge, it’s happiness, no doubt, I love it too

But though it satisfies now, it will not last long

For a moment he escapes, but the chase resumes

From Someone who knows where this path leads to

“Why do you run in rejection of me?

When the Ransom’s been paid to set you free?

I’ve come down from heaven, I’ve hung on a tree

I’ve risen & chased, till you can see me

Why do you choose this path of sin?

Why do you eat what will not fill?

When everything around you screams of me

The chase is over, now it’s your turn

What will YOU say on account of ME?”

>>>>>>>>>>

love, Shermeen

I'm Back!

May 1st, 2006

Hey everyone! I'm so sorry, i kinda disappeared off the face of the blog-earth since Nov of last year! As I read the last post, i realised that i haven't written since the LAST CMDS conference in New Brunswick and I JUST came back from the CMDS conference this year in Kelowna, BC!!

Well, truth be know, i'm actually procrastinating at the moment. My last med school assignment is due in a couple of hours. I am only just starting it but it should be done in 1 hr. (phew!)

I had one of the most fantastic and impactful (is that a word?) conference this past weekend. If I explained why(s) exactly, it would take too long. I guess it was a time of deep fellowship and amazing teaching with fresh and profound new insight. And also, it was incredibly affirming as God has been laying some thematic revelations in my life in the past few months with regard to life in general, but particularly career/ministry and it just seemed like the conference came at the best possible timing.

The funny thing is as passionately as I have stated the above, I am also feeling just as 'un-nerved' by how God truly is God. As in, He can do whatever, and I mean whatever he wants to do, however He desires. So it's this interesting tension where I may think i 'know' what God is calling me to do for these next few years, but at the very same time, I have this huge awareness (and struggle, i guess) that He can also totally change that direction at any time for any reason.

Kinda like when I found myself on the Bristol Channel in wales, UK after Grade 11.
hmm....

I'm starting to feel tired now. Came back from Kelowna at around 12:20am, then got ready for bed, then called my best friend Hengz (as she just got back from the UK), chatted till 3am, then slept. And then I had one of those nights again...where I must have slept deeply but was awakened to pray. And then finally gave up and seriously prayed and read the bible around the 'God-speaking' hour of 5am. He doesn't do it often, but he's woken me up around that time a few times in my life to pray about certain things. Then i went to the gym at 7am for a great workout and well...now i'm in the midst of procrastinating.

;0)
I'm overwhelmed by everything God revealed at the conference.
Feels great as well!
Fresh insight...forever learning...and forever learning how to surrender and fall in love with God deeper.

s

Aching

Hey!

so I came back from both New Brunswick and the UK! I love oxford. Sarah and Tom's wedding was tremendous and it was so wonderful to see such close friends like Sarah, Emily and Iestyn again. What an incredible weekend! I've become a frequent user of the Pearson Airport Park and Fly, although I'm not very impressed with it.

Anyway. The past few weeks were rather crazy! Geriatric psych, then ER at the General (horrific at times), then starting my LAST, yes, my very last rotation of clerkship, Family on monday! WOW!! cool, THANK YOU LORD! iN the midst of writing essay after essay to different residency programs.

On friday, played with Scott at Indigo in Burlington,that was fun times. I'm learning how to 'worship God' even when I'm playing non-Christian music. I felt a revelation on friday in that regard. Then Scott, Liz, Simon and I went for dessert crepes like you'll never believe! Then went to Simon's new digs...nice job, bro!!

I went to this refugee workshop this morning...awesome! then went to the gym for this 'boxercise' class...man, my arms and legs are still aching. Been working out almost everyday, so wanted to break the monotony of gym equipment with some high impact cardio...no kidding! feels good though! Came home, worked on essays till now. cooked a stir-fry....
prepping for worship tommorrow. no worship rehersal tonight cos too many ppl away...it'll be interesting to lead tommorrow with 8am practice.

anyway, God you're good. I had a really rough start to my week with being in the ER, but then He rescued me. You are really good.
so tired, gotta sleep,
love,
s

I"m in New Brunswick!!!

ok ok
i'm so sorry
BUT not I"m back!!

It has been abit of a crazy half a year. IN brief, I was quite ill for a few months, then I had a bit of a family crisis and then I started and ended internal medicine with 1 in 4 call and now I'm post-call, done my last EVER call in clerkship (PRAISE GOD INDEED!) and bring post-call, i took a plane to St. John NEW BRUNSWICK and rented a car and drove the 1.5hrs to St. Andrews-by-the-sea for this year's national CMDS conference for the weekend!
good times!

I"m now applying for residency positions in family medicine. Will interview in jan/feb, will find out late feb where I am , will grad from med school in may 2006 and begin my residency in july of 2006.

can't wait to go home for Christmas, haven't seen my family in a year almost; still love my church and fellowship; still love and dearly miss my classmates already; still crazy busy doing strange and wonderful things (working out, playing in gigs and flying to the UK for a friend's wedding next weekend just for the weekend).
ok, nuff for now.
i miss you all
sorry for not blogging in awhile.
shermeen

hi

i'm alive

just in case

you were wondering

love,
shermeen

muggy run

This morning, i woke up all motivated to study and begin my busy day! But first, went for a run. It was only 8:20am but boy was it ever humid! At least it was overcast. The one thing I can't take is heat. This muggy heat is killing me!! Reminds me of the weather in Singapore...

Thanks Aban and Claire for your comments! And hi Paulman! I love you all! Aban, what's your email?

Well, Dad returned back to BC on wed night. We had a fantastic time. And in a week and a half, my little brother will be coming out to Hamilton to chill with me! I can't wait too! Since i can't go back this year, it's just wonderful to have family come out to visit.

I've had a very emotional week. For many reasons. A good kind of emotional. And it is bringing me closer to God. Trusting Him for new things.

I'm also loving pediatrics. This week at Mac Children's Hospital, we've been worked hard. But the strange thing is that although I come back exhausted, I'm happy. Kids make me happy. Maybe it's because I get to be a kid myself all day at work. I have so much to learn though...i started out knowing very little about pediatrics.

This weekend is abit hectic! Between leading worship at church this sunday and playing at Scott Orr's CD release party at the Royal Botanical Gardens in Burlington at night, it's going to be busy! But great! (plus i have to study hard core for my exam next friday!!) Next week is going to be equally crazy with C & C retreat, planning worship for the weekend, and playing with my other (mutually adopted) brother, Simon Chan, at my classmate's wedding!

anyway. It's been a rather profound week for me, in many ways. Rather nice to touch base with things of gravity and truth.
love,
shermeen

My Daddy's here!!!

yah, baby!!

My daddy's here (from Vancouver) !!! i'm so happy.
tonight, we went out for a fabulous dinner with John & Mary Harvey (my surrogate parents here in Hamilton) & my 3 housemates, Kelsey, Bre'el, & Brianna!

it was awesome! I've forgotten how much I've missed my Dad's hilariousness. oh dear, i have the greatest parents. And it was so lovely to have the Harveys come and hang out with us.

I'm also just ending a more than fantastic community peds placement. Oh dear. I had the best preceptor you could ask for and the cutiest kids ever. I couldn't stop grinning each day.

thank you God for a great week. Party with Dad for the weekend. Then hard core studying next 2 weeks!

love,
s

jamming

wow.
i just finished jamming with Scott Orr in preparation for his upcoming CD release party June 12 7pm at the Royal Botanical Gardens.

totally reminded me of how awesome it was to be playing with Perry & the Poor Boys in concert and in the studio back in BC. sigh...i really miss that.

I"m so thankful that clerkship right now is less crazy enough that I can finally do stuff like this. Scott has an incredible style and honesty to his music. I just hope I can add to and highlight his talent on June 12. the last thing i want to do is take anything away from his music with my fiddling.

It's times like this that I really miss having the time to write music and play. Music still remains the one thing that I feel most free in.

anyway...gotta go!
love,
s

Dancing away...

so friday and sat morning was stressful. never ask clerkship students to play at your wedding.
unless you expected them to practice the night before.

;0)

plus the wedding was outdoors and it was supposed to thunderstorm that day.

BUT it was such a fantastic wedding...my friend is all grown up. I'm so happy for her.
we danced till we got kicked out at the reception.

my first week of med school, i sat at the 'non-dancing' table...when everyone else showed off their moves. It was a different story this past sat night! ;0) only because these guys were my close friends and all I do is laugh myself silly just trying to imitate their dance moves.....the funny thing is that i feel the most uninhibited to dance at church during praise & worship!!

anyway, great weekend. Sunday was awesome. Worship, sunday school, prayer night, going grocery shopping with a few of the guys from my church...i think we were the loudest shoppers at Fortinos.

ok, i'm being really random right now. I"m tired. I should sleep soon.
oh weddings
such happy events
s

censored

you know what?
it's Victoria Day and i can't imagine a better day.
my first day off in i can't remember when...maybe a few months.
went for a run, enjoyed the beautiful day, and got errands checked off one at a time
most of all, enjoyed a day to relax. i love the concept of relaxing. what a gift.

Well, so much has happened in the months that i neglected blogging. It's not that i didn't want to. It's just that I plainly didn't have the time. And even if i wanted to, the stories I would tell i was afraid i couldn't, because so much of what i do must be kept confidential.

I really had a tough time in labour and delivery. i didn't fancy that part of medicine much. And doing 1 in 3 call just about killed me. Thank goodness that's all done and over with. Now i'm in peds and just finished 1 in 3 call for 2 weeks. I spent my time in the NICU and in deliveries and in general pediatrics. I love the kiddies.

I think i really need to blog regularly. It's so therapeutic. i started journaling more often too.
the things that stand out to me (just to keep you guys updated) in the past few months are as follows:
1) i ask myself if I am momentarily lacking the committment and compassion and care that brought me into medicine in the first place. This is a scary thought.

2) I love talking to people; taking histories is one of my favourite things to do (unless it's a particularly difficult patient and i have trouble understanding or focusing them)

3) Life is full of 'gravity-moments' and I desire to walk thru these times with people, but this insane clerkship pace makes me so exhausted that i find that i can't really or that i dont' want to just be 'present' with my patients because i rather go to the doctor's lounge and watch some mindless TV or lie down on a couch and stare into space.

What do I do with the incredible feelings of sadness, guilt, and emotion that comes with telling the parents of a beautiful little boy that he has a likely diagnosis of leukemia? What do i do with the tears that choke me up as I struggle to compose myself in the examining room? What do I make of the fact that I am desensitized when I see little premie babies hooked up to monitors and tubes because i know that they are likely going to be ok. But 'wait!' I say to myself, what if I was the parent of these kids? My world would be crashing down around me. So then i constantly live in 2 worlds.....i don't think i'm making any sense right now. it's time to go,
love,
shermeen

Grumpy

March 30th, 2005

I'm grumpy. I'm post call and I'm exhausted. I started my first day on L & D and was on call all night. It was my worst call ever in terms of sleep. I saw my call room once and only for 30 mins!

I don't really like obs/gyn. But it just be that i'm starting from 'scratch', as in, i'm having to learn new things from the beginning. It might also be that i'm grumpy from being post-call.

On the flip side, i went to my first massage therapy appointment today and it was great! they really know their stuff.

ok, back to bed,
s