Can't wipe the smile off my face

Hey Everyone!!

I'm 'in-between' right now...just finished the AM portion of our Endo clinic and wooffed down some crackers and an apple before i'll hit the gym at Mac. Today, I get to have the afternoon off! YIPPEE! So between being all dressed up (wow Mom, i am finally starting to wear nice things) and being hypoglycemic from not eating enough before clinic starts (because once you start, you never eat)....it's been great!

Wow! This 'clinical elective' life is fun, exciting, hard work, and stimulating...oh, and very tiring! I'm actually sleeping before midnight...yah! can you believe it? I get to see my own patients...i really enjoy talking to people. My preceptor is wonderfully patient and nice, and understanding. I'm learning a tonne, and I'm studying alot. But boy, am I tired out! Can't wait for the weekend.

I know, i haven't written in awhile, cos we had back to back exams and i was pretty much wipped out from that.

But now, i'm just as 'wipped', but i can't seem to wipe this silly smile off my face. I think my preceptor must think I'm nuts! I can't really understand why... I mean, medicine can be stressful, and you say alot of 'i don't know's, especially when you truly don't know much yet, but there's something that makes me smile. Whether it's because of diabetes, thyroid dz, pituitary problems, prolactinomas...i dont' know. (did this paragraph make sense?)

Now i'm really rambling. I'm too tired to think and synthesize what has gone on in the past week. Ok, i should stop writing since i have nothing significant to say. Just thought i'd write a note to say that i'm 'alive'. Oh, and as of yesterday, i finally got confirmation of my 4 week Family Medicine elective back in BC...so I'll be in BC for a whooping 6 weeks!!

bye! love,
s (oh, and fellow Chan, i haven't yet figured it out!...but give me time and energy..)

How did I find myself here?

WOW...i can scarcely believe it. It seemed like time warpped itself as I sat in the infamous HSC 1A1 lecture room where we first began Day 1 of O-week for medical school last September. And now, one week and one exam away from being thrust into "go play doctor", we all gathered once again, probably for the last time in many many months for our 'Welcome To Clerkship' talk. If this was our 'Ra-rah-rahhrrgh' event into the great abyss, the fear-factor, the .... then I was in no mood for it. I felt kinda bad about that. I should've savoured every last minute of this 4.5 hr talk...afterall, it WAS our send-off...but my 'headaches-that-2-Advils-can't-cure-anymore' and my 'the-room-is-angled-dizzyness' and my general state of mind did not lend itself kindly.

But still, it was a profound moment, one that i wanted to reflect and savour. Except that I wanted even more badly to be at prayer mtg at church...so i took off at 7:25pm only to be greeted by my car clock that read 6:37pm...i realised, i had be tricked by the time change 2 weeks ago! lol!

Prayer was awesome! WOW. It can't be said enough: lest not us be arrogrant and complacent and think that momentum and creativity can sustain a church or ministries...it is, I believe the very power of prayer, not in the eloquent phrases of our hearts and mouths, but just the realisation that we need to bow down and cry out to God, to the Prime Mover to have mercy and grace to torrent us with His Spirit and move!

Last week was crazy. I forgot how nice and tough it is to study for consecutive hours for consecutive days. The exam went well, PTL! I have another exam on tues (a 'bell-ringer' clinical scenarios exam). Tommorrow, I am playing in the Mac Open Badminton Tournament. This is a funny story. I entered it online but thought it was full already. Then i get this email this week saying that i'm entered into the women's singles event. (what the!??) I haven't played badminton seriously since high school!!!! YIKES!! I'm both stressed and excited about it! Who cares if i make a fool of myself...i love playing! (even if i get eliminated after my first game!) oh dear!

These past few days have been very profound days for me. Both painful but illuminating and great. To those who were wondering and asking about my self-declared 'nun status'...i'm afraid i can't give you an answer. (but tell me if you want to join my order!) Partly cos I don't truly know myself, and partly because i don't want to broadcast my 'nun thoughts' over WWW. (email me) ;0)
love,
s

Ouch........

My head hurts. And i feel like throwing up. I'm taking a study break, it hurts too much.

So....so much for that ban on thinking...the very next morning, i promtly shot my mouth off in tutorial and wished i had 'thought before speaking'...crash and burn. I think i should modify my ban to 'no excessive thinking'. i enjoy thinking too much. So much in life to ponder, why waste it by lack of reflection?

hmm...thoughts from this past week:
-my life is crazy.....but i like it...
-God speaks clearly again and I want to follow Him wholeheartedly, even if and when i don't understand His ways, and despite my circumstances. I don't want to compromise.
-My head is a target of flying objects...on sunday, it was a volleyball. My head hurts.
-I want to be a nun.
-I love playing my violin and worshipping God. I love closing my eyes and being 'lost in the moment' with God when I play my violin or sing songs that draw me intimately to God.
-I love people
-My life is not my own, God, let me be consecrated for Your purposes.
-I need to bare down and study for my med school exams....
-I like hiding in my 'cave'

;0)
s